Olde Rhode Island Molasses Root Beer

This root beer had the WORST label I'd ever seen.

It looks like it was designed by a 9-year-old who's using a computer for the 3rd time ever.

Seriously. Look at this label. And that's not discoloration
at the top and bottom - that's part of the design.

Brand: Olde Rhode Island Molasses Root Beer.

Origin: Bristol, RI.

Purchase Place: "Minnesota's Largest Candy Store," Jordan, MN.

Sweetener: Cane Sugar.

Review: The taste lived up to the label: it wasn't great. There was a bite that was OK, but the aftertaste was just a little off. A bit "burnt" or chemically. I don't get any special "molasses" flavor from it, and molasses isn't an ingredient. I noticed it was bottle by Empire, and that makes sense: I've had 4 other Empire sodas, and they've averaged about 4.5, so just below average on my rating scale. This was just below average too.

Score: 4 out of 10.

Rat Bastard Root Beer

The name alone practically sells this.

The bottle says "tastes like a son of a bitch."
And the upside-down text says "it's us against them."

Close up of the cap.

What does a son of a bitch taste like?  And would I like it?  Am I a dick?


Brand: Rat Bastard Root Beer.

Origin: Los Angeles, CA.

Purchase Place: Frattallones Ace Hardware, St. Paul, MN.

Sweetener: Cane Sugar (and molasses).

Review: It tasted pretty heavy. When I looked at the ingredients, I wasn't surprised to find molasses as the 3rd listed. I need to look back on this blog, but I'm pretty sure I haven't been impressed with molasses in root beer. I noticed a lot of other "hippie crap" on the ingredients list too, and I tend to not be a fan of root beers with a lot of stuff in them - this one had ginseng, jasmine, dong quai, capsicum, ginkgo biloba, etc, etc.

It was middle-of-the-road when it came to "smooth vs bite," but the flavor was just a little heavy-handed. It had a decent sweet aftertaste that I liked. It wasn't horrible, but it sure wasn't that great either.

Score: 4 out of 10.

Malta Goya

I knew nothing about this when I grabbed it. I thought it sounded Mexican.

It had a distinct (not good) taste. I had to look up more info. I found this on Wikipedia:

Malta (also called young beer, children's beer, or wheat soda) is a type of soft drink. It is a carbonated malt beverage, meaning it is brewed from barley, hops, and water much like beer; corn and caramel color may also be added. However, Malta is non-alcoholic, and is consumed in the same way as soda or cola in its original carbonated form, and to some extent, iced tea in non-carbonated form. 

In other words, Malta is actually a beer that has not been fermented. It is similar in color to stout (dark brown) but is very sweet, generally described as tasting like molasses. Unlike beer, ice is often added to Malta when consumed. A popular way Latin Americans sometimes drink Malta is by mixing it with condensed or evaporated milk.

It DOES taste like molasses. And not in a good way. I'm curious how it would taste with condensed or evaporated milk as suggested. I might have to try that. Key word: might.


Brand: Malta Goya.

Origin: Wilkes-Barre, PA.

Purchase Place: Frattallone's Ace Hardware, Burnsville, MN.

Sweetener: High Fructose Corn Syrup.

Review: It wasn't good. Not at all. It wasn't even that "interesting." It tasted like thin, carbonated, nutty molasses. Yuck. Maybe the best line I found about it online was on UrbanDictionary: "A substance so terrible that it's creators should be murdered, or worse, forced to drink it themselves." Yep, that's about right. I'm giving this my 2nd ever "1" rating.

Score: 1 out of 10.

Virgil's Root Beer

I was strolling the aisles of Kowalski's last week, and I stumbled upon this:

I had some Virgil's Root Beer a few years ago, and I remember liking it quite a bit. Time to try it out again.

Virgil's brags that it's actually "brewed," and not just "cold-brewed" like most soda.

And the ingredients list is HUGE. It contains anise from Spain, licorice from France, vanilla (bourbon) from Madagascar, cinnamon from Ceylon, clove from Indonesia, wintergreen from China, sweet birch from the southern US, molasses from the US, nutmeg from Indonesia, pimento berry oil from Jamaica, balsam oil from Peru, and cassia oil from China.

But how does it TASTE?

Brand: Virgil's Root Beer.

Origin: Los Angeles, California.

Purchase Place: Kowalski's Market, St. Paul, MN.

Sweetener: Unbleached Cane Sugar.

Review: It was good. But it wasn't as fantastic as I remember. It was SUPER creamy, but it was just missing a little something. I'll have to report back when I try another bottle to see if I can figure this out a bit more. For right now, I'm calling this "very average."

Score: 5 out of 10.